THE TRICKMASTER

                        by Pavel Shumil



      "La-a-arson!!!"
      Who gave a loudhailer to Jake? Someone, kill him! I go out of my
actor's trailer.
      "Larson, they are shooting your bit now!"
      "Is there any need to shout that loud?!"
      I listen carefully to the latest instructions. This trick is a piece
of cake. I gaze at the cloudy sky, throw off my robe and seat myself in
the sports Jaguar near the stuntman.
      "Larson, take off your wrist-watch", cameraman notifies as he's
glanced through the camera lens.
      Clapper! Action! The trick has just started. We catch up with the
bus. The stuntman should get inside the bus through broken window pane.
He takes his hands off the wheel, stands up, steps one foot on the car
side and the other on the steering-wheel. I move onto his place and drive 
the jaguar alongside the bus. The stuntman climbs into the window. The
trick is shot. On the screen it will look like he is driving with his
left heel. 
      I put the robe on and walk back into the personal trailer. I seat
myself in an arm-chair and put my feet up on the make-up table.
      "Here are your sun cream and lunch," Sarah runs into the trailer.
She's my lawyer, agent, promoter, secretary, makeup artist, masseuse,
gofer and just a nice girl without hangups.
      "The hell with the cream!" I take the ketchup bottle she's brought
me, screw the lid off and take a gulp. "Ooh! Strong fluid! It's warm!"
      "La-a-arson!!!"
      Sarah cringes. I screw the lid back on, ruffle her hair, and walk
out to the set. We are shooting a comedy scene this time. A clumsy
mechanic drops his tools and chases a runaway wheel. His car falls off
the jack. I help the tools drop, kick the jack out, and make the wheel
roll in circles around the car. Simple enough tricks. But the director
doesn't like something. We do three more takes.
      "Cut! Well done! Everyone is villain. And Larson - What a rascal
you are!"
      It's a compliment. 
      Sarah gives me the robe. We go back to the trailer.
      "There are no more scenes outdoors. But we've got three sequences
in studios," she notifies me. 
      It's quite a lucky day. There are five scenes in all. If work goes
well we'll wrap it up by 4 p.m.



      A horror mystic comedy is next.
      "Candles are fading," commands the director. 
      I walk about the room and blow out the candles.
      "Red light. More. A saucer flies up."
      I raise the saucer over the table obediently.
      "Claudia's scared. Scared but not amazed. I said - scared!!!" growls
the director.
      I bend over to catch her eyes, caress her chin, neck, and smile
broadly. Claudia stares at me wide-eyed and squeals. It doesn't fit with
the script, but it's very natural.
      Next, we shoot a child's sleep. Sleeping boy is to levitate about
the house. I lift the child overhead and walk about the house following
camera with light catlike steps. The camera assistant pulls funny faces
at the boy to make him smile. He is the man to film!
      "Cut!"
      I lower the boy, slip the robe on. Sarah looks into her notebook
and tells me the place of next shooting. This time the job is quite
simple.
      I should walk leaving footprints in the sand. After the film has
been developed they will appear by themselves. We're vampires, it's
impossible to film us. Even mirrors don't reflex us. On the screen I'm
an invisible man. Each scene I play I save the studio from a hundred to
thousands coins and personally earn pretty much.
      But there's one thing about this job that annoys me. When I'm
acting in any crowd scene, in any kind of weather, be it summer or winter,
I've got to be naked, completely naked.










(c) Translated by Krokodyl4ik. 09.2006

e-mail: krokodyl4ik @ bk.ru


This (revised) version is edited by Krokodyl4ik with the help of all
the inhabitants of LAF. Special thanks to Sergey Zubkov, Alone Coder,
Cthulhu, Walrus, OMG and all the inhabitants of LAF for their generous
and gratuitous help and thanks to the author for his patience.
If you found a mistake, please, e-mail me